submitted by bappletree
Thank you for sitting on my desk in LA and talking to me about death (even though the previous summer you had me too giddy and stupefied to get into the pool with you at that party). Thank you for only getting playfully angry when I sang Miss Murder in Algebra I (even though you could have killed me with those days you waited to say we couldn’t be together). Thank you for that sleepover (even though you weren’t there with me, I thank you for singing to us (even though it was sort of bad)). Thank you for the AIM conversations (even though you could have just as easily ignored me), those stupid jokes (even though you could have acknowledged them around your then-friends). Thank you for writing (even though it was about her). Thank you for playing your song at my party, and thanks for that Kermit card (even though my birthday was six months before).
Thank you for high school (even though we barely spend any of it together, honestly). Thank you for introducing me to the person with whom I would soon fall hopelessly, hopelessly in love (even though you were convinced it was only because the two of you were so alike). Thank you for hallway half-smirks and monthly phone calls that get too loud and too long and too late (even though they file the nights down to splinters and I soon realize it will be weeks before we speak again).
And thank you, thank you, thank you for the gumption to laugh, to cry, to etch defiant little circles into the walls others build for me (even though I have yet to whittle one down completely). Thank you for love and heartbreak and loyalty and angst. Thank you for being the person to keep my nails out of my own skin, even if you were never there before, even if you aren’t here today, even if you never show up again with a box of bandaids in one hand and a dead frog in the other like when we were kids and tell me you should really stop disappearing into oblivion. Even if you never knock on my radiator in the middle of the night to tell me you finally feel it, too.
Even if I hate you, I love you with the intensity you taught me to feel, and for that I thank you, I thank you, I thank you.